For the last 13 years or so I’ve tried hard not to use the S-word. A dangerous, negative little word that our subconscious loves to use and use and over-use again – it’s ‘should’. Oh, just to type it makes me feel uncomfortable!
Years ago, when I first consciously began my life-healing journey I learned how negative and oppressive the word ‘should’ can be. I began to notice how often I used it, mostly towards myself, and I vowed to stop. These days I still occasionally hear myself saying it but I catch myself and change it immediately for something kinder.
It’s a horrid word. And what does it really mean? It’s bullying and it’s very negative. There’s nothing happy or positive about should. I see no reason for it to exist as a word so I simply don’t use it in my own vocabulary.
When we say should about ourselves.…”I really should clean the house”… we put ourselves under pressure. Why do we do this to ourselves? Let’s stop our self-bullying and show some self-kindness! It’s easier to make a positive statement and say “I will clean the house” or, better still “I might clean the house”. I like the second example. It’s more laid-back and non-pressuring, and leaves us open to take action without bullying ourselves.
When we say should to other people we are bullying them (or vice versa). For example, “You should read this”…. Why? It may well be the most interesting thing in the world to read but why do we think it’s OK to tell another person what to do? Who put us in charge?!! Better to say something like “You might like to read this”. It immediately removes the bullying and turns the message into a suggestion rather than an order.
I can’t bear bullying.
So that’s why I don’t use the S-word, and why I encourage friends and clients to stop using it too. You might like to give it a try and notice just how often you use this word. It may astound you.
And on this note of positive encouragement I am going to do some more gardening today in the sunshine. Have a gorgeous and positive weekend.
Love Yourself
Love Others
Love Life
XXX
Years ago, when I first consciously began my life-healing journey I learned how negative and oppressive the word ‘should’ can be. I began to notice how often I used it, mostly towards myself, and I vowed to stop. These days I still occasionally hear myself saying it but I catch myself and change it immediately for something kinder.
It’s a horrid word. And what does it really mean? It’s bullying and it’s very negative. There’s nothing happy or positive about should. I see no reason for it to exist as a word so I simply don’t use it in my own vocabulary.
When we say should about ourselves.…”I really should clean the house”… we put ourselves under pressure. Why do we do this to ourselves? Let’s stop our self-bullying and show some self-kindness! It’s easier to make a positive statement and say “I will clean the house” or, better still “I might clean the house”. I like the second example. It’s more laid-back and non-pressuring, and leaves us open to take action without bullying ourselves.
When we say should to other people we are bullying them (or vice versa). For example, “You should read this”…. Why? It may well be the most interesting thing in the world to read but why do we think it’s OK to tell another person what to do? Who put us in charge?!! Better to say something like “You might like to read this”. It immediately removes the bullying and turns the message into a suggestion rather than an order.
I can’t bear bullying.
So that’s why I don’t use the S-word, and why I encourage friends and clients to stop using it too. You might like to give it a try and notice just how often you use this word. It may astound you.
And on this note of positive encouragement I am going to do some more gardening today in the sunshine. Have a gorgeous and positive weekend.
Love Yourself
Love Others
Love Life
XXX
1 comment:
I agree & would like to add one other - Ought. I have long ago banned the should's and ought's from my lexicon and also encourage others to do the same.
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