It’s been a while since my last post. I’ve not been at all well. Four weeks ago I went to visit my older sister in Edinburgh. I’d been very much looking forward to my visit, to having a little break and some time off from the enormous pressure I’d been under for far too long. Enormous pressure and a great deal of negative energy emanating toward me had me physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, although I didn’t realise it at the time.
Within about an hour of arriving at my sister’s lovely house something very frightening happened, something I can only describe as a little breakdown. My insides went cold then my brain went into slow motion, like a switch had been flipped and something turned off. Through a blurry haze I remember some small conversation and my young niece and nephew leaving the room. A burning pain seared through my right knee and my hips. The next thing I knew I was sobbing and broken. Very, very scary stuff.
The mania going on inside my head didn’t allow me one wink of sleep for the next two nights. I was physically but not mentally present, disconnected from myself. I got on a train back to London, desperate to see my doctor and get some help.
The first two and a half weeks were extremely harrowing. I am no stranger to depression and I have a pretty good understanding of what I call ‘black fog’ which I’ve learned to control over the years, but this was something different. I know that I must be depressed in order for this to have happened yet despite having all the symptoms I didn’t feel low or sad. I felt nothing at all, just completely blank.
But I am a lucky person and I have a lot of help. I have good medical help. I have a support system provided by good friends. I have my sister Sheena who loves me very much, and who has been absolutely brilliant throughout this whole episode. Unlike many others I also have the added benefit of healing tools to use for myself.
Overwhelmed by simple things and unable to cope with my life I structured a regular daily routine – 7x70 positive affirmations, runes, meditation and Reiki. I practice this routine every day, regardless of what time I wake and am seeing results already. I’m a great fan of positive affirmations as I know that this practice works very well for me and this has been no exception. I started to reconnect with myself a few days ago and feel sure that I’ve turned the first corner in my recovery. It’s a slow journey but I am getting better.
Of course I’ve spent a lot of time up at my allotment. It’s the most nurturing place I know. At first I’d just go up there and sit for an hour or so, always feeling loads better afterwards. In the last week I’ve had more physical energy which I’ve been channelling into sowing and planting and preparing for the year’s crop. I’ve been taking lots of photographs too, which I’ll post very soon.
And the Spring is here – it will be ‘official’ on Saturday as it’s Spring Equinox, 21st March and my birthday. For me this means a new year and a new life ahead.
Love Life
XXX
Within about an hour of arriving at my sister’s lovely house something very frightening happened, something I can only describe as a little breakdown. My insides went cold then my brain went into slow motion, like a switch had been flipped and something turned off. Through a blurry haze I remember some small conversation and my young niece and nephew leaving the room. A burning pain seared through my right knee and my hips. The next thing I knew I was sobbing and broken. Very, very scary stuff.
The mania going on inside my head didn’t allow me one wink of sleep for the next two nights. I was physically but not mentally present, disconnected from myself. I got on a train back to London, desperate to see my doctor and get some help.
The first two and a half weeks were extremely harrowing. I am no stranger to depression and I have a pretty good understanding of what I call ‘black fog’ which I’ve learned to control over the years, but this was something different. I know that I must be depressed in order for this to have happened yet despite having all the symptoms I didn’t feel low or sad. I felt nothing at all, just completely blank.
But I am a lucky person and I have a lot of help. I have good medical help. I have a support system provided by good friends. I have my sister Sheena who loves me very much, and who has been absolutely brilliant throughout this whole episode. Unlike many others I also have the added benefit of healing tools to use for myself.
Overwhelmed by simple things and unable to cope with my life I structured a regular daily routine – 7x70 positive affirmations, runes, meditation and Reiki. I practice this routine every day, regardless of what time I wake and am seeing results already. I’m a great fan of positive affirmations as I know that this practice works very well for me and this has been no exception. I started to reconnect with myself a few days ago and feel sure that I’ve turned the first corner in my recovery. It’s a slow journey but I am getting better.
Of course I’ve spent a lot of time up at my allotment. It’s the most nurturing place I know. At first I’d just go up there and sit for an hour or so, always feeling loads better afterwards. In the last week I’ve had more physical energy which I’ve been channelling into sowing and planting and preparing for the year’s crop. I’ve been taking lots of photographs too, which I’ll post very soon.
And the Spring is here – it will be ‘official’ on Saturday as it’s Spring Equinox, 21st March and my birthday. For me this means a new year and a new life ahead.
Love Life
XXX
2 comments:
The start of spring is always an uplifting time and I am sure it will work for you. I shall look forward to reading about your progress on the allotment, although you will make me jealous as I am so far behind with mine (starting from scratch with a bramble and nettle patch!), and I anticipate that as you progress with the allotment, so you will also progress with your health.
I hope you enjoy your birthday, which is the same day as my late mother's.
Keep well.
Thank you so much. I've always enjoyed being born on Spring Equinox, and felt that there was something auspicious about it!
Don't worry about the brambles and nettles. The bank on my plot was also covered in nettles and brambles. It was a beast to clear, but the quality of soil produced by the nettles was excellent. Take your time and enjoy clearing it. You might be amazed at how little time it actually takes.
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